that's right...30 years will soon be under my belt...I am 5 years off of middle aged and almost to the point where I should be ready for babies and carriages....
hahahaha as if...
anyone that knows me knows that 30 is the time that I want to really get a grip on this here world that we live in...see what the hype is about in Belize...take some time and roll a spliff in Amsterdam(we all know this is a lie-but it sounds good right?!?!) Maybe hit Hong Kong see what the shopping is really like...take a chance and see what New Delhi is like...check out that extreme hotel that's in the Mediterranean...maybe see the Taj Mahal...definitely need to see what its like to shop at Hermès --see the paintings in the Louvre...finally visit Madrid and get some boots that are custom made for my short flat foot....
In a word this is the decade for me to see the world...kiss the foreign boys...find love...loose it...find it again and just enjoy the life that is before me...
I dreaded turning 26, 27, 28, & 29 because I hadn't accomplished the things that I thought I would have by now...but then I think that I've still done some pretty awesome shit...
- I was interviewed on CNN for taking on a horrible television show that was going to set our race back a million and one years....
- I worked tirelessly with classmates to reveal the horrors of Vieques and the oil spills and run offs....
- I've met some pretty fugging awesome people including Jill Scott, Talib Kweli, Dwele, Eric Roberson, Slum Village, and so many others...
- I've set at the helm and saw how to put together a million dollar event on a shoe string budget...
- I've gotten to see my friends get married have babies grow mature
- I've met my brothers...and found an entirely new family in them
- I've had the opportunity to watch my sister have each of my babies...and seen them grow and become little people and one even turning into a preteen...
- I learned to let go let God and just truly be free....
- I had a kiss in the moonlight that made my leg pop in a 90 degree angle...
- Walked the lakefront in 20 degree weather because he wanted to talk....
- And now I'm letting him be the man and taking the role as the women and learning that even if this one ain't forever...for now it will be great....
Yeah...I suppose that it would have been easier if I graduated from VSU or MSU back in 2003...gotten that degree in English or Marketing...but then I would have never been in Chicago in 2003 to meet Mai...or at the open mic that I met Self that led me to meet Spoken then started working with Spoken at the Cypher in Borders then from there walking down the street seeing Self & Spoken in 2007 during the grand opening for Da Book Joint, as I was going to get some honey blonde for my summer hair that led me to working with the Cypher Sessions that eventually became the TakeOver that made me Verl & Toni go over to the Checkerboard trying to promote the TakeOver and then talking to M'reld in the bathroom that eventually led to me working with her that led me to working the door at Gentle Persuasion and over hearing Oj's conversation with Binkey that led me to finding out that Oj was my little brother...that then led him to giving my older brother's information that has led me to an entire other part of my life that I prolly would not have come across if I lived my life on the straight and narrow...you know...like I thought I should have all these years...
Yep...and that was just one of the series of events that have occurred in my life...I know that the domino effect of having altered my life is so far reaching and unbelievable that there are so many moments that I am unwilling to erase for the few moments or possibility of having achieved the so called American dream...instead I like the fact that my life has lead me to meeting my very own Autumn, May, June & July...my own sisters...my version of the Ya-Ya sisterhood if you will...on that straight path I know that I would not have the sisterfriends that have saved me from myself the past 7/8, that have stood beside me and fought for me when I couldn't, that called my mama mama and knew when I couldn't take anymore and offered me there home their futon their keys to sanity I know that they came from me returning to Chicago and searching out my own path...
I look back on the past 26 years-cause those are the ones that I do remember clearly...I know where and when I got off the path of straight and narrow...and while I've spent some time in the forest and darkness searching hurting crying wishing wanting thinking that maybe somehow I could turn back...but I know that I could never be that girl that graduated from MPHS June 1999 prepared to step in the world of corporate organizations...she has been gone from me for several years...and now I know this woman that loves and laughs freely...sits quietly reflecting thinking learning growing loving waiting patiently on the journey...knowing full well that I could never make it on a path that has been drawn out...preferring to take the time and explore the people and world instead....
I cannot wait to see what the next 3 decades will bring...but whatever they are through the tears joys triumphs and pains...I will grow evolve love and be ever so free....
This was timeless. Sometimes we underestimate how great we are because we judge us based on others.
ReplyDeleteAs I grow learn to love and be I realize that I am the only person I am supposed to compare myself to-but that's a constant lesson that I'm learning...
ReplyDelete