Ladies we have all heard that we should have a list a non negotiable list of things that we will not compromise when we are looking for Mr Right vs Mr Right Now.
Over the years I have made my own list as well including
*the fact he must Love and Know Jesus.
*he must have legal income.
*must be able to deal with my artistic free spirit.

Well over the past few months I have discovered a few more deal breakers that include but are not limited to this list. After going out on a date with a dude that embodied all the characteristics of a true gentleman. Shouts out to Young Jay.
I have rethought some of the deal breakers and I'm listing the newer ones below
(now please note I observe EVERYTHING none of this is from personal experience but experiences I've witnessed that have caused me to reevaluate certain things...ya know?!?):
*when we go out. Please make sure I'm in the car before you put your seat belt......I'm not saying open the door and assist me in everytime. But could you at least be sure I am IN the car before you are belted in?!?

*i don't care how tall your friend is.......if we're on a date I shouldn't be sitting in the back. Bottom line.....its a date!

*and if we're on a date, and its the first one unless we have a bunch of friends in common, let's not make it a group thing especially if its only YOUR group!

*please please please don't think that taking me to an open bar/free food event is a date...homie we are haning at best....

*if we are on a date/outing and you see your other chick/sidechick/main chick...don't ignore me until she leaves...you'd do better introducing me or acting as if you don't see her....cause i see you seeing her....i'm not dumb...

*oh and telling a chick you dig her only to not attempt to call her or see until someone else brings her up....deal breaker homie...you don't like her...hell you don't even know her....

i've observed several other mistakes being made by guys..and i will update this on a semi-regular basis...and ladies...don't think you are off the hook....i will be adding a seperate list like....
*if you spend the whole evening texting then disappear for an hour come back and have to go meet your "sister" he shouldn't mess with you again...bottom line...who do you think is THAT stupid boo?!?!

musings....as usual

soooo....
i first must say that i had no idea i had readers....and commenters even! i'm such a loser....pray for me...lol!!!

now after that...i've been listening to the Tweet Fan Station on Yahoo music...and it's playing all of this great 90's girl groups...Jade, SWV, Zhane...and many others...

after listening to these ladies of the 90's and thinking over some of the greater songs i'm just thinking them over...

that coupled with the fact that my friend that i am talking to right now...i mean i don't know how else to put it...i know i sound like someone's granny but it is what it is folks....anyway he and i had a conversation this morning and i'm attempting to process it...but it dealt with the former and i am not sure how much i will accept that they are still in constant contact with one another....
i mean like there are those that i am still in contact with from my past because they are in the same social circle and there is a need for a level of social decorum though i am not yet above dogging him out when given the chance....i said social decorum...not maturity....

anyway listening to all of these great songs and thinking over the words...i'm just a bit confused as to where i should go with these things because i know that i am still relatively knew to the situation and that there are always going to be loose ends that need to be tied up...as well as i can't expect that he cut her off (even though i think that every one needs to severe ties with exes for at least six months in order to make sure that everyone fully understand that the break up did indeed take place.... i mean really do we need the chance for there to be misunderstandings?!?!)

anyway i don't know...i wish that i wasn't the type that thought so damn much....and i mean i reallllllly think too damn much on things...but right now i've gave him a little bit of an indication that i wasn't totally okay...he asks me three times....and of course i said nothing...nothing....and then......

exactly...i tipped him off...and now....





silence....


hmmmm....



dah well.....any suggestions?!? i promise now that i've learned a little more about this blogging thing i am getting the updates that i have comments i will be around to respond better than before.....scouts honor....

no lurking please....this is my space for thoughting.....talk to me....

hmm...that's interesting....

For years I was an emotional eater...happy sad...bored...mad...i would grab something to much on and munch the pain or whatever emotion away...well when i realized this was my way of dealing and coping i started to ask that this be taken away...

at first i wasnt sure if this was happening...as i would still sometimes munch when things would happen...but then i began to really pay attention to my habits...and i am amazed that now i am one of those people that no longer turn to food for comfort...sounds great right?!?!?

well it would be if it wasn't for the fact that today i had a very emotionally draining conversation
and i am really really dealing with it as best that i can....but i had the conversation right before my lunch break...
and now i'm not hungry...
actually there is a knot so huge in the center of my stomach that i can't imagine even beginning to eat...i went to lunch anyway...and ate about three forkfuls of my salad and three lemon heads...
i'm beginning to now think that maybe i'm an emotional drinker...
actually i'm beginning to know that i am emotional drinker...
but leaving work to go to binny's and get a 5th of anything is completely out of the question...
i mean for real....
drinking at work....
that's not my thing....

but to be honest....

sometimes i wish that i could still eat emotionally...

at worst it'll cost me the 30lbs i lost....


but...you know





at least it would give me something to do until i am able to process the pain that is in my chest....

i'm so sick of being damn confused!

okay...
so there is this dude that i am talking to right now...and because i never really though of him in that manner it kinda seems that it just happened and i'm going with the flow of it...
and i'm thinking that this is fun...enough anyway...
and then there is this other dude that implies that he wants to talk to me...but i'm pretty sure that he just wants to fuck which is one thing...but to pose as though you want more or to try and make me make the first move is really pissing me off...to the point where i'm not really even interested in the situation at all...not that i ever really was interested in the situation cause i just don't be on that relationship/situation shit anymore...

why am i not?
well because i spent 2003-2007 going back and forth between these two dudes with a few others spinkled in for variety of course...and i have decided that until i have exaclty what i want standing in front of me i am not dealing with any more situations...instead i will have fun with those that i choose and keep the movement going forward...

well this is wouldnt pose a problem except that i think that one dude does really want a relationship with me and i am not sure that i am interested in going in that direction...i mean i like him and all...but i don't know...and i'm confused because i am not sure whether or not i should continue doing things with him...or if i should let the jets cool and keep mahself wide open...

i mean i don't know...

i really had no intentions of being romantically involved with anyone until next year since right now mah main focus is supposed to be ridding mahself of the african villagers living on mah hips...and i am doing well with thati will add in case anyone cared....

well for fear of either of them reading this as this is an open blog that is posted on both crackspace and bookface ah will end this here...that and the fact that ah am officially off break five minutes before ah even started writing this....hmmm...yeah trifling ah know....

feel free to leave a comment with a suggestion or not...or just ignore this as though it never happened....either way ah'm sure that the confusion will lie inside until ah get to the point where ah stop responding to everything and everyone...that or the fact that ah may decide to actually make it a go with dude #1....either way...you'll be the first to know....whoever you are strange people stumbling upon mah private thoughts....lol!

oh and if you are reading this and feel that you are dude 1 or 2.....i didn't post names dates or pictures...consider yaself lucky...ah've grown up...some anyway....

ponderings of moi

So. Tonight was the a first of mah last three joints at mah good friends store while we are seeking a new location the closing of mah homegurl's store is bittersweet to say the least. I'm still processing that in two weeks ah won't be stopping there after work or running through on Saturdays. But I digress this is about me and mah thoughtings....

Tonight I am feeling a good buzz and a great desire for nothing else a man to share this buzz with, not necessarily a beau but a friend....hmmm
Liquor always makes me want to sleep alongside someone else.
I'm not sure if its the sober mind vs drunk one theory but after a night of debauchery sleeping and holding someone is always great.
I think that's all for now
I'm goin to lay down wait for him to call and though I may not be sleeping with him traditionally I'll at least have him to talk. me to sleep.

Until then folks.....happy drunk and otherwise blogging!

marrying up?!?!?

okay...for those that know me know that i have been on my new movement towards a healthier me...and though it's not been the easiest change....i haven't has as much trouble with the change...

there are various things that have been assisting me with this change and among the one that i just realized tonight is that i have decided that i am sick and tired of being middle class....and i'm not upper middle class either...i am straight the fuck up middle of the road middle class....and i decided that i want to marry up...

the one thing that i know will get me in the eyesight of these wealthier men is having my body right...

i'm not saying that this is the only thing that will get their attention....i'm just willing to admit that me losing and sculpting my body will give me an unfair advantage over your typical chick standing on the corner....simply because i'm already pretty fucking fly...it's like the icing on the cake or the extra string of pearls that put that next accent on the lbd that you're wearing...and yes people it always comes back to fashion.....

i mean dammit i want to make my mark in th fashion industry...and i'm not sure if anyone has noticed...but Rachel Zoe, Taylor...or that other skinny little white girl that's always in the news have been accused of being a fat ass....

so essentially in order for me to marry into that next bracket...so ladies as i have come off a day of grocery shopping and basically lounging i realized that i am going to do this weight loss thing not only for me....but for my mama too....shoot she needs to live well in old age....and for my nieces in nephews....i'm sure if i've told you all but i have 5 nieces and 6 nephews...their parents are not going to be able to send them ALL to college....that's where tee tee comes in...she comes with her wealthy husband and covers the costs that momma and daddy can't....

i mean you all understand....


right?!?!

and if you don't...oh effing well...i understand i am willing to give it of myself!

i am a chick.....100% chick!--Yesterdays Original Post

1st installment of the I am such a friggin girl series:
So....I am often around people and I hear young ladies saying how if they see a man that they want they are going after then. They say that they are willing to chase the man and I'm usually sitting there like wow.....wish I had that sort of gumption about mahself....like I would never go to a dude and just say yeah baby.....I saw you looking at me....so what's up....you got a girl? No? Want one? I'm not her....I'm the one that kinda thinks maybe he's a cutie but that's as far as it goes. I tell mah male friends how much I admire them all the time. The fact that dudes will take that chance of being rejected.....man that's something I can never do....even if I'm 99% sure that dude is digging me I'll keep letting opportunities pass.... For while I thought dammit why can't I get over that silly little fear till I was talking to my surrogate Mama and she said that there is only so much that the woman can do to let the man know she's interested without being overbearing and gasp....mannish.... And as we saw from my title I'm far from that. So I guess I'm saying all of this to say don't look for me to make the first move. The fact that I'm sitting here rubbing your arm or in your lap....yep that's the most you're gonna get out of me...... And I think that's pretty damn forward as it is.... And generally if you have me there moving in for the kiss....well I just figured that would be the next step....not letting me walk away..... I don't know....one day maybe I'll change....but somehow I truly doubt it.....

introduction.....

Hi folks....
I am here at blogspot not because anything has happened with me and the good folks at crackspace....but because I have a series of blogs that are bubbling over seeking to break free and instead of bombarding your crackspace with my overwhelming need to share I figured I would go ahead and utilize the blogspot blog I've had all this time.
As started yesterday on Myspace I am beginning a series of blogs about me and my overwhelming chickness....and I don't mean in terms of chicness....or fashion sense though I am sure those will come later....this for now is dealing with me being such an effing girl.... A diary of sorts.... Come along this journey with me.... Or not....as I write not to assist or aid you in your struggles as much to assist and aid me in my freedom of mind.....
Welcome to the uppity files.....do hope you enjoy....