if you are my twitter or FB friend you'll have already heard that my family suffered a loss on yesterday(Sunday)morning. The mother of my awesome brother in law, Alida, passed in her sleep between Saturday night and Sunday morning...Even though she was my sister's mother in law, she was still an awesome part of our family, and the sense of loss that I feel regarding her death is still somewhat overwhelming...I mean we all were pretty close, we spent holiday, birthdays and just random days together. I don't know how the family gatherings will go without her being there with her quick wit and humor. She was good for those one liners that'll have you turning around like "What the Hell?!!?" She was a genuinely kind person...she was always there to assist my sister and Eric if there was something that needed to be done, she spoiled my niece and nephews to no end...and she would not hesitate to call us if there was something going on...and my mother would call her...We were a family for the past 13 years and I'm soo sad that she's gone...I don't often dream, but last night I dreamt for the first time in several weeks, and they all involved her. I am hoping that it's just her spirit transitioning and that she is now at peace. And no she wasn't ill, not in a way that would take her life, she had things going on, but nothing that would cause any of us to think too hard about it. I was just talking to my sister about her, and her cooking on Friday, while I was on my break. We were both saying that she needed to rest a bit more, cause she was feeling a little sick, and that this was the first Thanksgiving in like a million years that they weren't in Florida enjoying nice sun, as we all suffered with the cold. She would usually cook for them this weekend, and I know that my babies were looking forward to that. Now....
Now...I'm just praying for peace for not only me and my mama, but for my brother-he's not an in law in any way...I have to admit that...for Gina, for Kenny, for Kari, and for last but heaven knows not least, Big Ken, who found his wife of 30+ years on Sunday morning...
I ask that you all send out a prayer for our family too...Death is hard..and it's even worse when there's been no preparation for it...
So we ask of you this....
It seems that I have been more able to write thoughts than speak them. I know that I am a writer, something that I've never admitted and when working and living and breathing around the awesome writers that are in my life...it's sometimes difficult to use the words that I am given. Sometimes I supress my words for fear that they won't stand up against theirs, then there are times like this when there are no spoken words that could accurately express what I am feeling...I haven't formulated the sentences...only a few fragments...when written they make far more sense then anything that I could speak...it is then that I remember why I slept for years with a pen and a notepad, not always to write someone off...but sometimes to just write out what I'm thinking...what I'm feeling...what I am either incapable or refusing to say...
Then I write...I write until my fingers feel as though they are gonna bleed forever, until my head feels like an empty cavity...I write for survival...when you feel everything and around you the way that I do...you have to do something that quiets your spirit and brings about some kinda of peace...I haven't any other outlet...my friends love me...but they don't know how to receive my emotional state...my family adores me...but understanding is something they're incapable of right now...if I had a boyfriend, I'd push him away before it become to much simply because how can someone understand the level of hyper sensitivity that I am experiencing these days? So I write...and I write...and sometimes I blog to express...and to release...and to grow...and to maintain sanity...
11.23.2009
accepting new boo submissions:
I wrote an entire blog. Pressed post. Then diva got to acting sideways about herself so now--repost I must. In an attempt to open submissions for the winter time boo.
There are very people that openly admit they are simply seeking a winter boo-not a relationship. But I am. I am seeking a boothang to keep me warm & entertained during the cold months. Its very important that all submitters understand that I am not seeking a boyfriend or significant other for this time. I don't think I am in the correct place to look for that right now- I'm working going to school and come January I'll be going to two different schools while still attempting employment. So I need someone to be available during the weeks I'm out of class or the afternoons I'm off work. You know? I want the boothang to understand we will not even entertain conversations for more until the proper amount of time has passed; and that shalll be determined when that time has come-not when you or I have decided alone, but when we have come together & decided that time has arrived. And boothang of the future know now if you are the type to give ultimatums or threats or leaving, it will prolly result in conversation and my removing my belongings from your abode. But we'll deal with that more if or when the time comes.
So let's get to it, things my boothang must possess:
-He's gotta be male naturally born as such. I like peen- so I need that be a nature made situation.
-gotta have hair. I love to play in hair, if you don't have hair, you must keep fresh haircuts that I may play with the back of your neck.
-i need you to be intelligent a quick wit, play with words engage my mind and you're more than halfway to the point honestly.
-gainfully employed or receiving unemployment already. Not so that you can shower me in gifts, but so that you can be who you need to as a man. I don't need you resenting me everytime I get paid.
-a secure network of friends enemies or whatever- you need to be able to keep busy when I am busy which is very often now and even moreso at the beginning of the year.
-enlightened enough to know you won't "convert" me to your religion, eating habits or anything else. I love Jesus and I don't eat it if it walked the ground. Got it?
I know this may seem like a lot for a winter boo thang but I have to get the preliminaries out of the way. I can't be bothered with going back over topics that were discussed previously. And I want to be sure that we're on the same page. Kay?
There are of course other things like being attractive, I prefer brown, but I'm opening myself to other possibilities. You gotta be able to handle my cynical dry humor, understand my time restraints and such.
I'm definitely interested in seeing what will happen as a result of my boothang opening-especially since I'm finding people read and conclude about my blogs without always commenting. Or better yet get mad at me and throw them back in my face-oh well. Anyway. Boothangs let's explore and have a great wintertime friendship. Never know you may even be around long enough to celebrate my 25th birthday with me in October...
Smooches
There are very people that openly admit they are simply seeking a winter boo-not a relationship. But I am. I am seeking a boothang to keep me warm & entertained during the cold months. Its very important that all submitters understand that I am not seeking a boyfriend or significant other for this time. I don't think I am in the correct place to look for that right now- I'm working going to school and come January I'll be going to two different schools while still attempting employment. So I need someone to be available during the weeks I'm out of class or the afternoons I'm off work. You know? I want the boothang to understand we will not even entertain conversations for more until the proper amount of time has passed; and that shalll be determined when that time has come-not when you or I have decided alone, but when we have come together & decided that time has arrived. And boothang of the future know now if you are the type to give ultimatums or threats or leaving, it will prolly result in conversation and my removing my belongings from your abode. But we'll deal with that more if or when the time comes.
So let's get to it, things my boothang must possess:
-He's gotta be male naturally born as such. I like peen- so I need that be a nature made situation.
-gotta have hair. I love to play in hair, if you don't have hair, you must keep fresh haircuts that I may play with the back of your neck.
-i need you to be intelligent a quick wit, play with words engage my mind and you're more than halfway to the point honestly.
-gainfully employed or receiving unemployment already. Not so that you can shower me in gifts, but so that you can be who you need to as a man. I don't need you resenting me everytime I get paid.
-a secure network of friends enemies or whatever- you need to be able to keep busy when I am busy which is very often now and even moreso at the beginning of the year.
-enlightened enough to know you won't "convert" me to your religion, eating habits or anything else. I love Jesus and I don't eat it if it walked the ground. Got it?
I know this may seem like a lot for a winter boo thang but I have to get the preliminaries out of the way. I can't be bothered with going back over topics that were discussed previously. And I want to be sure that we're on the same page. Kay?
There are of course other things like being attractive, I prefer brown, but I'm opening myself to other possibilities. You gotta be able to handle my cynical dry humor, understand my time restraints and such.
I'm definitely interested in seeing what will happen as a result of my boothang opening-especially since I'm finding people read and conclude about my blogs without always commenting. Or better yet get mad at me and throw them back in my face-oh well. Anyway. Boothangs let's explore and have a great wintertime friendship. Never know you may even be around long enough to celebrate my 25th birthday with me in October...
Smooches
11.17.2009
....
It amazes me...that in my 28 years and my only 8 years of being in serious relationships I've managed to continuously align myself with people I am not capabe of loving the way that they need to be loved. I am a commitphobe is prolly something I should point out first. I cannot committ. I'm scared. I've lost myself once and the idea terrifies me of doing it again. My best friend is currently lost in a relationship that she doesn't even know how she got in....I've seen women do many things in a relationship that they swore they'd never do- I've done things in that one relationship I swore I'd never do-and haven't since then either. When you totally immerse yourself into a relationship you are saying I am willing to be hurt humiliated and a load of other things logical people don't intentionally do to themselves. Have I missed opportunities for this? Yes. I know I have. But I don't know how to stop it. I think that God is trying to teach me a lesson though, honestly cause I promise you all I keep matching up with are dudes that require you to completely align yourself with them wholly and completely. I don't have that ability. Not right now. Maybe never. Maybe I should start adjusting to cats, so that I'll be ready to get me a litter cause obviously I'm gonna be alone for awhile. Maybe forever. I don't know. Maybe I'll find a guy that's as indifferent as I am and can accept that I don't know how to love kinda, but not completely. I'm the chick that doesn't know how to move beyong treading lightly, but not completely plunging. I stay on the fringes, not because I do not know how to be inside, but I don't wish to be completely involved. Don't wish to be noticed. Don't want that responsibility.
The fringes are where I'm comfortable-where I want to be.
But I'm slowly learning about moving from the sidelines. I'm learning that perhaps that's not what love is.
That the passion I had, that when he would walk in the room when he would say my name when he would hug me- I know that even though I refused & he refused to use the words that traditionally expressed love- I knew that he loved me. I knew that he adored me. And that he loves me still and I love him. I know that words are never indicative of what true feelings are-that often words have nothing to do with the pure fury of love. I am learning that I can't expect everyone to be like him, to love like he did, that I can't keep pushing people away because they don't understand the way that he did that I don't always use words, but maybe cooking you a meal, cause I know you haven't eaten all day, or listening to you talk about a game I'll never ever play, maybe that's how I love without being hurt. Without expectation, cause expectation fall short of reality-cause the fantasy is always always better than the fantasy. And I don't want that to happen not again....
I have no idea.
But after you've had a great love, a passion that you can't control, where you can't calculate the next move cause you have no idea where it'll take you--when you forget that you've ever been in a relationship before cause this relationhsip blows your mind beyond belief...
Maybe you'll learn that sometimes complete submission is a hard thing.
People often say that you're supposed to- I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe you don't. Sometimes I think you meet too soon, before you all are ready to honestly be together and that's why it doesn't work out. Meeting him when he is still fresh new & not jaded and you've lived a life done things that you may never tell anyone-when he's still ready to plunge, but you know that swift paces lead to pain & hurt--but you know that if you met then 6 years later that you wouldve not just been with him. But prolly gave him your heart....yeah it was way too soon.
Its amazing that an open blog gives you the feeling that you can share more than you'd probably share with your closest friends.
But here, I can't see or hear you judging me. And here I really don't even give a damn. This allows me to be the purest me that I am capable of being...and I really like that.
The fringes are where I'm comfortable-where I want to be.
But I'm slowly learning about moving from the sidelines. I'm learning that perhaps that's not what love is.
That the passion I had, that when he would walk in the room when he would say my name when he would hug me- I know that even though I refused & he refused to use the words that traditionally expressed love- I knew that he loved me. I knew that he adored me. And that he loves me still and I love him. I know that words are never indicative of what true feelings are-that often words have nothing to do with the pure fury of love. I am learning that I can't expect everyone to be like him, to love like he did, that I can't keep pushing people away because they don't understand the way that he did that I don't always use words, but maybe cooking you a meal, cause I know you haven't eaten all day, or listening to you talk about a game I'll never ever play, maybe that's how I love without being hurt. Without expectation, cause expectation fall short of reality-cause the fantasy is always always better than the fantasy. And I don't want that to happen not again....
I have no idea.
But after you've had a great love, a passion that you can't control, where you can't calculate the next move cause you have no idea where it'll take you--when you forget that you've ever been in a relationship before cause this relationhsip blows your mind beyond belief...
Maybe you'll learn that sometimes complete submission is a hard thing.
People often say that you're supposed to- I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe you don't. Sometimes I think you meet too soon, before you all are ready to honestly be together and that's why it doesn't work out. Meeting him when he is still fresh new & not jaded and you've lived a life done things that you may never tell anyone-when he's still ready to plunge, but you know that swift paces lead to pain & hurt--but you know that if you met then 6 years later that you wouldve not just been with him. But prolly gave him your heart....yeah it was way too soon.
Its amazing that an open blog gives you the feeling that you can share more than you'd probably share with your closest friends.
But here, I can't see or hear you judging me. And here I really don't even give a damn. This allows me to be the purest me that I am capable of being...and I really like that.
11.16.2009
One of those days.....
one of those days....
like one of those day when everything has gone sooo wrong that you start to remember things in different ways...
like i start to remember the days that i leave work, go to his house sit and moan about the day that i've had.
lay down in his arms, sleep the anger and irritation away
i remember that he loved me and we cared for me so much
remember the days of him waking me up with breakfast
never forgetting the day that he went to store and got me four different breakfast cereals, and made me three different breakfasts just cause you weren't sure of what i wanted to eat...
keeping in mind the many times that you made me shrimp and broccoli to ensure that i ate a decent meal for once...
yeah I remember that instead of the slamming doors, screaming matches, and crying myself to sleep
So tired that I forget that I couldn't talk to you for a year without breaking into tears,
so frustrated that i forget that we spent majority of our time making up instead of being together...
right now my heart is yearning for you...
the you that didn't hurt me
the you that didn't make me cry
i am wishing and crying my heart out for us...
instead i'm sitting here allowing these tears to fall because three years and three dudes later i've still not replaced you...
and i still can't talk to you
lest i be back at the beginning
of loving only
you.....
like one of those day when everything has gone sooo wrong that you start to remember things in different ways...
like i start to remember the days that i leave work, go to his house sit and moan about the day that i've had.
lay down in his arms, sleep the anger and irritation away
i remember that he loved me and we cared for me so much
remember the days of him waking me up with breakfast
never forgetting the day that he went to store and got me four different breakfast cereals, and made me three different breakfasts just cause you weren't sure of what i wanted to eat...
keeping in mind the many times that you made me shrimp and broccoli to ensure that i ate a decent meal for once...
yeah I remember that instead of the slamming doors, screaming matches, and crying myself to sleep
So tired that I forget that I couldn't talk to you for a year without breaking into tears,
so frustrated that i forget that we spent majority of our time making up instead of being together...
right now my heart is yearning for you...
the you that didn't hurt me
the you that didn't make me cry
i am wishing and crying my heart out for us...
instead i'm sitting here allowing these tears to fall because three years and three dudes later i've still not replaced you...
and i still can't talk to you
lest i be back at the beginning
of loving only
you.....
11.15.2009
oh yeah
I deactivated my facebook page...soooo email me @ 1uppity.negress@gmail.com or call me...when you email me I will give you my number...I wanna keep up with yall...I'm just doing me a while...getting off the comp in the process...
baby i'm back!!!
I don't blog as regularly as I once did because of the amount of time that I spend on twitter...then in addition to that I was pursuing a relationship type thing....
Believe me ladies
don't allow yourself to be moved into something that you are not really interested in-in the end you will either hurt or be hurt, and really we that's not the point of relationships is it?
This weekend I took a stand and made a hard choice:
He wanted more than I am capable of giving right now, I'm grinding I'm trying to make sure that I get my stuff together, so a real relationship is just too much for me right now...honestly...I knew that...but he wanted that...and so I said I'd try...when actually I knew that I couldn't I knew that wasn't where my head was, felt kinda silly though since most women are looking for a guy to come in and be in a relationship with them, why am I running away? Cause I knew that relationship wasn't the relationship for me....even if he ain't awful, he ain't mine...you know? hope you do...cause you may be settling for a relationship that sucks too!
But not only was I not ready for a relationship, he wasn't ready for a relationship with me...I mean if you read my previous blogs you know that I'm a very complex individual...I don't hide my complexities either....I dont think that its fair for me to lie about who I am...I need to tell you that upfront exactly the person that I am and that I require so much more than the other chicks you may encounter so that you have a choice to be with me or not...ya know? And he thought that he could handle me...but I don't think he could, he didn't really know how to, and because I wasn't interested in being in a relationship, I wasn't trying to force it on him either...but if I don't want it and you aren't emotionally there for me? what can I do? Can't make him become what I need, especially when I know that I don't even want that right now...
Sooo where am I headed now? I'm waiting to get an interview date from the New York, wanting that to come through without a doubt...but if it doesn't happen, I'm starting back into a program in January...so serious about it that I'm even transferring credits...that's not a normal thing for me, I usually just say fuck it let's go....I am really submerging myself into whatever it is that I will be doing come January, if it's moving then that, if its school I'm doing that...I'm back on my health plan...90 more pounds by my birthday next year...It's just under a year, so I know that I can do it...I've stopped cutting my hair, like a complete regrowth I guess....
I hope that I don't miss too many important moments in anyone's life while I'm making this change, but know that you can always find me @ http://twitter.com/1uppitynegress
but I will be blogging more again, maybe even some fashion exploits...trying to get it altogether keeping it funky in the process...
I love y'all for still reading my words...hopefully you can see some growth in my struggles, cause I think that I am seeing them...
taking steps to not be angry...not be evil...and all that...I'm growing yall...
and for once...
it don't hurt as much...
maybe this skin shedding has ended and now I'm just adjusting to being...
maybe?
Believe me ladies
don't allow yourself to be moved into something that you are not really interested in-in the end you will either hurt or be hurt, and really we that's not the point of relationships is it?
This weekend I took a stand and made a hard choice:
He wanted more than I am capable of giving right now, I'm grinding I'm trying to make sure that I get my stuff together, so a real relationship is just too much for me right now...honestly...I knew that...but he wanted that...and so I said I'd try...when actually I knew that I couldn't I knew that wasn't where my head was, felt kinda silly though since most women are looking for a guy to come in and be in a relationship with them, why am I running away? Cause I knew that relationship wasn't the relationship for me....even if he ain't awful, he ain't mine...you know? hope you do...cause you may be settling for a relationship that sucks too!
But not only was I not ready for a relationship, he wasn't ready for a relationship with me...I mean if you read my previous blogs you know that I'm a very complex individual...I don't hide my complexities either....I dont think that its fair for me to lie about who I am...I need to tell you that upfront exactly the person that I am and that I require so much more than the other chicks you may encounter so that you have a choice to be with me or not...ya know? And he thought that he could handle me...but I don't think he could, he didn't really know how to, and because I wasn't interested in being in a relationship, I wasn't trying to force it on him either...but if I don't want it and you aren't emotionally there for me? what can I do? Can't make him become what I need, especially when I know that I don't even want that right now...
Sooo where am I headed now? I'm waiting to get an interview date from the New York, wanting that to come through without a doubt...but if it doesn't happen, I'm starting back into a program in January...so serious about it that I'm even transferring credits...that's not a normal thing for me, I usually just say fuck it let's go....I am really submerging myself into whatever it is that I will be doing come January, if it's moving then that, if its school I'm doing that...I'm back on my health plan...90 more pounds by my birthday next year...It's just under a year, so I know that I can do it...I've stopped cutting my hair, like a complete regrowth I guess....
I hope that I don't miss too many important moments in anyone's life while I'm making this change, but know that you can always find me @ http://twitter.com/1uppitynegress
but I will be blogging more again, maybe even some fashion exploits...trying to get it altogether keeping it funky in the process...
I love y'all for still reading my words...hopefully you can see some growth in my struggles, cause I think that I am seeing them...
taking steps to not be angry...not be evil...and all that...I'm growing yall...
and for once...
it don't hurt as much...
maybe this skin shedding has ended and now I'm just adjusting to being...
maybe?
9.29.2009
night time gives way to heavy thoughts...
I have no idea why I'm up writing this. I've taken Benadryl and drank chamomille tea. Sleep should be on the horizon right?
But for some reason I'm instead up thinking about the fact that I hope I am not sabatoging this new situation cause I'm not the best at real relationships. I'm better at pretending we're not together and spending time with a person but knowing full well it'll never progress into anything do therefore there's no need to invest time & thought into it. However this time I know that there is some actual potential longevity in this situation. I am realizing its not a let whatever happen type thing. This was made glaringly clear when I told him it was no need for me to make a strong committment to him when I am planning to leave within 6 months and move across the country, and he came to me a few days later saying that he isn't all that into Chicago either. Saying that he wouldn't be opposed to leaving at the same time and going with me. Kinda stumped me. I mean for real? I've had "situations" that have spanned half a decade and no man said he'd move across the country to be with me...
Damn.
Then today my cousin calls and says that my other cousin is missing. My G-Ma wanted to know if I'd spoken with her. Nope. Hell, a year ago the idiot told me & my sister she ain't even know our names. Clearly I hadn't spoken with this kid.
Then an hour later I get a call from him. Bad news. Not devastating but definitely life changing for him. Or potentially so....and he needs me. Soon as I finish this job search thing I'm doing I'm gonna throw on some clothes and go see him. Right after I finish dinner.
Then G-Ma calls. Damn. She has some worry in her voice I haven't heard in a while. Hmmm what has happened now? I find out baby goof hasn't been seen in a week. Damn. No one has seen her. There's been sightings but no one's seen her from our family. My G-Ma sounds more concerned and I think this ain't just her running away for a day or two. Its been seven. Now I have to wait around try to let someone know that she's missing, cause my immediate family doesn't know.
He still needs me.
My family needs me too.
I choose my family, maybe if I send out a few emails, maybe if I put up a post or two. Maybe then my granny won't have to say "well we just hoping she still alive" no more.
But he still needs me too. And now I'm too exhausted to leave out and I need to get ready for class, and I know he just wants my presence to say it'll be okay, but how can I say it'll be okay when my favorite uncle's daughter is out in the wind. And we know all too well what the streets can do. We have enough recovered addicts in the family to run a recovery center. We all saw the signs. We warned her mother. But what could she do, cause I believe until 3 years ago she was still mourning my uncle. See he went to sleep one night in August 1997, and never woke up again. She was left alone with a 2 year old and 5 year old. She wasn't ready to raise them alone, so she didn't raise them at all. The boy we were finally able to save him, but spending time trying to make sure he didn't end up in a gang, end up selling drugs, end up doing drugs, we forgot about her. She was busy sneaking around getting into shit. Getting high, fucking grown men we found out....and now now we can't find her, but really how long has she been lost? I'm guessing its been far longer than the 7 days she's been gone from her mama's house.
And he still needs me.
But tomorrow I got soo much shit to do.
And I'm trying real damn hard not to make him think that I'm not available to him.
Damn
This a fucked up time to start a new relationship.
But I did.
So I'll have to figure out a way to make sure I see him, cause he needs me, and I need to ne there just to sip tea, eat tortilla chips, and fall asleep while he's explaining things to me, and just make him know that even though this shit sucks today....its gonna be more than just okay...
I'm feeling the Benadryl. Maybe I just needed to purge...don't do that like I used to...I need to stop ignoring my words, they give me life breathe & understanding.
Peace fam...
But for some reason I'm instead up thinking about the fact that I hope I am not sabatoging this new situation cause I'm not the best at real relationships. I'm better at pretending we're not together and spending time with a person but knowing full well it'll never progress into anything do therefore there's no need to invest time & thought into it. However this time I know that there is some actual potential longevity in this situation. I am realizing its not a let whatever happen type thing. This was made glaringly clear when I told him it was no need for me to make a strong committment to him when I am planning to leave within 6 months and move across the country, and he came to me a few days later saying that he isn't all that into Chicago either. Saying that he wouldn't be opposed to leaving at the same time and going with me. Kinda stumped me. I mean for real? I've had "situations" that have spanned half a decade and no man said he'd move across the country to be with me...
Damn.
Then today my cousin calls and says that my other cousin is missing. My G-Ma wanted to know if I'd spoken with her. Nope. Hell, a year ago the idiot told me & my sister she ain't even know our names. Clearly I hadn't spoken with this kid.
Then an hour later I get a call from him. Bad news. Not devastating but definitely life changing for him. Or potentially so....and he needs me. Soon as I finish this job search thing I'm doing I'm gonna throw on some clothes and go see him. Right after I finish dinner.
Then G-Ma calls. Damn. She has some worry in her voice I haven't heard in a while. Hmmm what has happened now? I find out baby goof hasn't been seen in a week. Damn. No one has seen her. There's been sightings but no one's seen her from our family. My G-Ma sounds more concerned and I think this ain't just her running away for a day or two. Its been seven. Now I have to wait around try to let someone know that she's missing, cause my immediate family doesn't know.
He still needs me.
My family needs me too.
I choose my family, maybe if I send out a few emails, maybe if I put up a post or two. Maybe then my granny won't have to say "well we just hoping she still alive" no more.
But he still needs me too. And now I'm too exhausted to leave out and I need to get ready for class, and I know he just wants my presence to say it'll be okay, but how can I say it'll be okay when my favorite uncle's daughter is out in the wind. And we know all too well what the streets can do. We have enough recovered addicts in the family to run a recovery center. We all saw the signs. We warned her mother. But what could she do, cause I believe until 3 years ago she was still mourning my uncle. See he went to sleep one night in August 1997, and never woke up again. She was left alone with a 2 year old and 5 year old. She wasn't ready to raise them alone, so she didn't raise them at all. The boy we were finally able to save him, but spending time trying to make sure he didn't end up in a gang, end up selling drugs, end up doing drugs, we forgot about her. She was busy sneaking around getting into shit. Getting high, fucking grown men we found out....and now now we can't find her, but really how long has she been lost? I'm guessing its been far longer than the 7 days she's been gone from her mama's house.
And he still needs me.
But tomorrow I got soo much shit to do.
And I'm trying real damn hard not to make him think that I'm not available to him.
Damn
This a fucked up time to start a new relationship.
But I did.
So I'll have to figure out a way to make sure I see him, cause he needs me, and I need to ne there just to sip tea, eat tortilla chips, and fall asleep while he's explaining things to me, and just make him know that even though this shit sucks today....its gonna be more than just okay...
I'm feeling the Benadryl. Maybe I just needed to purge...don't do that like I used to...I need to stop ignoring my words, they give me life breathe & understanding.
Peace fam...
9.21.2009
Hey Yall
I haven't posted since the day before forever ago right? Wow. So much has happened I'm not sure where I should begin. Of course we know I'm not talking to the young'un in anyway anymore...matter fact saw him bout a month ago, made it extremely clear that we didn't even need to be friends...not like we really were in the first place right? Lol! 'Xactly!
I am currently fighting to continue to receive my $$ from the gov't as I am now a ward of the state. I am really hoping that I get my benefits by next week....I have birthday coming up, and ya girl needs new hair & new clothes!
Speaking of new....yep there is a new him in the trenches. I'm not sure how far its going, but I'm doing a way better job of taking it one day at a time and keeping it easy! I'm making sure that I let it flow...but of course I have my reservations...I've never started a new relationship/situation without being on some what equal footing...and I'm not there,he's working doing his thing, I'm not. I'm back in school, looking for work, still trying to maintain my image as a fashionista as well as urban socialite...and I'm #failing at that cause I'm spending sooo much time w/him....but yeah...still not sure.
And I'm feeling really co-dependent, as I'm not only dealing with the work crap, we're still taking it day by day with my mama, who incidentally had a really bad day today and prolly part of the driving force behind me writing today....
I don't know y'all. I'm still flying free in the wind.
Taking it day by day.
Started school in Health Information Management. Its a way to make $$ while trying to take over thefashion world.
Speaking of said fashion world, I had an audition today...not sure how its going to work, but I'm going to definitely try to work it!
Speaking of working it-ANYONE that know about paid juicy girl gigs hit me up, I'm more than up for the challenge!!
Okay....that's all.
I'm gonna do better, I'll stop microblogging on twitter(1uppitynegress if you're looking) and really get back on here.
I'll have to talk to the new Him and find out if its okay to blog about him (even though we know that I prolly will though regardless)
Talk to y'all soon.
Oh and if you don't like my blog, cause it ain't professional or whatever enough....fuck ya...I'm here letting loose thoughts, not seeking your approval...
I am currently fighting to continue to receive my $$ from the gov't as I am now a ward of the state. I am really hoping that I get my benefits by next week....I have birthday coming up, and ya girl needs new hair & new clothes!
Speaking of new....yep there is a new him in the trenches. I'm not sure how far its going, but I'm doing a way better job of taking it one day at a time and keeping it easy! I'm making sure that I let it flow...but of course I have my reservations...I've never started a new relationship/situation without being on some what equal footing...and I'm not there,he's working doing his thing, I'm not. I'm back in school, looking for work, still trying to maintain my image as a fashionista as well as urban socialite...and I'm #failing at that cause I'm spending sooo much time w/him....but yeah...still not sure.
And I'm feeling really co-dependent, as I'm not only dealing with the work crap, we're still taking it day by day with my mama, who incidentally had a really bad day today and prolly part of the driving force behind me writing today....
I don't know y'all. I'm still flying free in the wind.
Taking it day by day.
Started school in Health Information Management. Its a way to make $$ while trying to take over thefashion world.
Speaking of said fashion world, I had an audition today...not sure how its going to work, but I'm going to definitely try to work it!
Speaking of working it-ANYONE that know about paid juicy girl gigs hit me up, I'm more than up for the challenge!!
Okay....that's all.
I'm gonna do better, I'll stop microblogging on twitter(1uppitynegress if you're looking) and really get back on here.
I'll have to talk to the new Him and find out if its okay to blog about him (even though we know that I prolly will though regardless)
Talk to y'all soon.
Oh and if you don't like my blog, cause it ain't professional or whatever enough....fuck ya...I'm here letting loose thoughts, not seeking your approval...
6.02.2009
Questions: A Series
I have questions that I often ask over on my twitter page, sometime I receive responses, but many times I receive other questions in return. As a result of this phenomena, I am now starting a new series called questions. I can't say how often I'll update, prolly depends upon the fcukery I encounter that week. But enough of that here are my questions:
*Who the hell gave these dumb ass teenagers music phone and what the hell made the dumb as teenagers think it was brilliant to share their AWFUL music on CTA?!?
*Why do old men (gross, yucky, unemployed, & otherwise unappealing men) think they can follow you and make you talk to them?!?
*Why do teenagers talk to so loud?!?
*Why do old people YELL into their phones--if you're yelling they ain't listening--but they hear you!!
*Whatever happened to carrying bookbags to school--little girl ended up losing her homework cause her dingy ass didn't have anywhere to put it.
*Why do hood people chew their gum so loud?!?
*Why do pseudo-buppies speak so loud?
*Why do we (black people) distinguish people as White Trina, Black Johnny?!? Guess sometimes race is our best descriptive huh?!?
*Why the hell did CPS pay $$$ for Jeremih(did I spell it worse than his momma, if so oops...) to come to a high school and sing birthday sex--better yet, why did he get a record deal off that awful ass song---then why the HELL is it an R.Kelly remix?!?!?
Last but certainly not least---
****Why the hell is R.Kelly 43 year old ass still making songs with/for 16 year olds?!? I mean isht no progress in his future huh?!?
*Who the hell gave these dumb ass teenagers music phone and what the hell made the dumb as teenagers think it was brilliant to share their AWFUL music on CTA?!?
*Why do old men (gross, yucky, unemployed, & otherwise unappealing men) think they can follow you and make you talk to them?!?
*Why do teenagers talk to so loud?!?
*Why do old people YELL into their phones--if you're yelling they ain't listening--but they hear you!!
*Whatever happened to carrying bookbags to school--little girl ended up losing her homework cause her dingy ass didn't have anywhere to put it.
*Why do hood people chew their gum so loud?!?
*Why do pseudo-buppies speak so loud?
*Why do we (black people) distinguish people as White Trina, Black Johnny?!? Guess sometimes race is our best descriptive huh?!?
*Why the hell did CPS pay $$$ for Jeremih(did I spell it worse than his momma, if so oops...) to come to a high school and sing birthday sex--better yet, why did he get a record deal off that awful ass song---then why the HELL is it an R.Kelly remix?!?!?
Last but certainly not least---
****Why the hell is R.Kelly 43 year old ass still making songs with/for 16 year olds?!? I mean isht no progress in his future huh?!?
5.31.2009
Disclaimer for the masses...
Hey y'all there have been many things happening I see there are new people that read my words--gratitude and all that for those that continue to read support & attempt understanding my thoughts.
Now you all know that fashion is something that I love respect adore thrive in and have a passionate desire to be involved in for my life. I have pondered about why this is my desire in such a strong way and how I could make this happen for me and I have come across a way to make this happen and how I can make it beneficial to my community. I am now in the process of making that happen. With that being the case I am truly truly not going to be around to take care of other people and their problems. I will not have time to sit and lament alongside you about the woes in your journey.
I will however take time to partner and align myself with like-minded people. I will submerge my thoughts and existence in the manifestation of what I need for my life & my dream.
So yeah. Out the game.
So that's that.
Now then can we talk a second about all these folks that have their manifestation of happiness, completion, wholeness...none of which even begin to sorta kind maybe touch yours? Like those people that think two kids a husband a house and a dog is happiness and constantly try to make that yours? And its like, well kids make me itch, dogs give me hives, and don't want to be anywhere permanently except a high rise on lake front...but you still being told you gotta do the kids, husband, dog, & house to be happy!
I'm like wow...I don't understand why you are manifests your dreams over my life? I have my own dreams I have my own plans I have my own thoughts (notice above I only mention the broad dream, but the specifics are more private). I praise God and my open mind that I am not imposing my thoughts and plans over other people, that I am able conceive the fact that people have other dreams, other thoughts, and manifestations of happiness joy peace, and overstanding those that are different from me.
Just be careful that you are not forcing your lifestyle and dreams upon others, including your family, friends, children & folks in your aura...
Peace & Blessings unto you all as you continue your journey towards enlightenment and overstanding.
Now you all know that fashion is something that I love respect adore thrive in and have a passionate desire to be involved in for my life. I have pondered about why this is my desire in such a strong way and how I could make this happen for me and I have come across a way to make this happen and how I can make it beneficial to my community. I am now in the process of making that happen. With that being the case I am truly truly not going to be around to take care of other people and their problems. I will not have time to sit and lament alongside you about the woes in your journey.
I will however take time to partner and align myself with like-minded people. I will submerge my thoughts and existence in the manifestation of what I need for my life & my dream.
So yeah. Out the game.
So that's that.
Now then can we talk a second about all these folks that have their manifestation of happiness, completion, wholeness...none of which even begin to sorta kind maybe touch yours? Like those people that think two kids a husband a house and a dog is happiness and constantly try to make that yours? And its like, well kids make me itch, dogs give me hives, and don't want to be anywhere permanently except a high rise on lake front...but you still being told you gotta do the kids, husband, dog, & house to be happy!
I'm like wow...I don't understand why you are manifests your dreams over my life? I have my own dreams I have my own plans I have my own thoughts (notice above I only mention the broad dream, but the specifics are more private). I praise God and my open mind that I am not imposing my thoughts and plans over other people, that I am able conceive the fact that people have other dreams, other thoughts, and manifestations of happiness joy peace, and overstanding those that are different from me.
Just be careful that you are not forcing your lifestyle and dreams upon others, including your family, friends, children & folks in your aura...
Peace & Blessings unto you all as you continue your journey towards enlightenment and overstanding.
4.10.2009
Boy Oh Boy....Just an Update of It All....lol.....
Hey there good people....i'm trying to really get back in the swing of things...but I've been losing hours of my life on Twitter (follow me @1uppitynegress....I'm just saying....) on Facebook...(LaTrice "Triniti" Janine gotta tell me where you found me if you request me).... therefore it's been rather difficult for me to write an actual blog considering that I am losing my life there....lol
but I have been BUSY! I am getting ready for this event June 7 with one of the companies that I'm going tomodel with...I'll give you all more details when I have them....the one thing that i do know...they want me to model wigs for Especially Yours....but I have a fly sew in that I am NOT compromising....lol!!!
I have also been working my buns of literally to Shaun T's Rocking Body Workout:
that little man works the heezy out your girl! I am telling yall he "Rocks My Body" literally!!!
I am soooooo trying to get my body together for the summer and he has been doing ya girl in....
But I am well aware that it will be worth in the mean time cause ya girl is getting her booty tight and her body right!!!
lol!!!!!
I am also excited to be wotking with a new event planning entity here in the Chi...matter of fact we are getting ready to do a great fashion event on May 23....@ Stan Mansion.....the location is so dope! like SUPER dope! I am enjoying getting ready for it....
for more info in the mean time hit the website....http://www.lashanellevent.com if you are a designer model dancer or stylist in the city you should hit the site and see if you can get involved....never know the opportunities are here...we just have to make them happen needless to say I am ACTIVELY seeking to make the moves happen with the quickness!!!
Told yall I'm taking the fashion industry by storm or takeover...whatever I gotta do....guerilla motives are awaiting.....lol!!!!!
On that note....if you good folks know of someone that needs image consulting or personal styling send them to ya girl....
Have Style...Will Travel.....(I'm thinking that I may need to add that to my business card....hmmmmm.....)
my email is ALWAY there for ya too....mailto:triniti.productions@gmail.com
Email me...whenever...tell me you found out about me on my blog then i'm even willing to give a discount....just let me know!!!
Anyway....the romantic front is dim these days....I'm not fooling with anyone right now...I am keeping to myself after dealing with Mr. Touchy Feely.....I'm sticking to the exercise tapes and leaving the men alone until I can deal with a man that going to constantly touch me and try to feel me up....maybe I didn't enjoy the groping cause I wasn't really feeling him....or maybe I just thought when I told dude to stop touching me he would get that I wasn't joking....dah well.....
i don't really know.....
anyways i'm gonna get back to work and then leave and go have a great time at the Artist Loft Party Tonight....if you're interested hit up @mreld on twitter(http://twitter.com/mreld) Direct Message her....or holla at Binkey or M'Reld on Facebook.....I'm not at liberty to give the address as the loft is a residence....but hit em up....the vibe is gonna be funky and it's food and drinks all night....till you leave....all for $10.....ain't too many places ya gonna enjoy yaself get a few performances for $10...all night....that's what I'm doing tonight....
oh and i'm gonna enjoy another event next sunday too with the same artists....
hit up http://www.culturalxchange.com to get the goods...the lowdown on it all...
Any questions....let me know....in the meantime....i need to find some food....i'm so doggone hungry....i'm getting my a spinach and mushroom salad....it's gonna be rather good.....i think....
talk to you all soon....
smooches!!!!!!!
but I have been BUSY! I am getting ready for this event June 7 with one of the companies that I'm going tomodel with...I'll give you all more details when I have them....the one thing that i do know...they want me to model wigs for Especially Yours....but I have a fly sew in that I am NOT compromising....lol!!!
I have also been working my buns of literally to Shaun T's Rocking Body Workout:
that little man works the heezy out your girl! I am telling yall he "Rocks My Body" literally!!!
I am soooooo trying to get my body together for the summer and he has been doing ya girl in....
But I am well aware that it will be worth in the mean time cause ya girl is getting her booty tight and her body right!!!
lol!!!!!
I am also excited to be wotking with a new event planning entity here in the Chi...matter of fact we are getting ready to do a great fashion event on May 23....@ Stan Mansion.....the location is so dope! like SUPER dope! I am enjoying getting ready for it....
for more info in the mean time hit the website....http://www.lashanellevent.com if you are a designer model dancer or stylist in the city you should hit the site and see if you can get involved....never know the opportunities are here...we just have to make them happen needless to say I am ACTIVELY seeking to make the moves happen with the quickness!!!
Told yall I'm taking the fashion industry by storm or takeover...whatever I gotta do....guerilla motives are awaiting.....lol!!!!!
On that note....if you good folks know of someone that needs image consulting or personal styling send them to ya girl....
Have Style...Will Travel.....(I'm thinking that I may need to add that to my business card....hmmmmm.....)
my email is ALWAY there for ya too....mailto:triniti.productions@gmail.com
Email me...whenever...tell me you found out about me on my blog then i'm even willing to give a discount....just let me know!!!
Anyway....the romantic front is dim these days....I'm not fooling with anyone right now...I am keeping to myself after dealing with Mr. Touchy Feely.....I'm sticking to the exercise tapes and leaving the men alone until I can deal with a man that going to constantly touch me and try to feel me up....maybe I didn't enjoy the groping cause I wasn't really feeling him....or maybe I just thought when I told dude to stop touching me he would get that I wasn't joking....dah well.....
i don't really know.....
anyways i'm gonna get back to work and then leave and go have a great time at the Artist Loft Party Tonight....if you're interested hit up @mreld on twitter(http://twitter.com/mreld) Direct Message her....or holla at Binkey or M'Reld on Facebook.....I'm not at liberty to give the address as the loft is a residence....but hit em up....the vibe is gonna be funky and it's food and drinks all night....till you leave....all for $10.....ain't too many places ya gonna enjoy yaself get a few performances for $10...all night....that's what I'm doing tonight....
oh and i'm gonna enjoy another event next sunday too with the same artists....
hit up http://www.culturalxchange.com to get the goods...the lowdown on it all...
Any questions....let me know....in the meantime....i need to find some food....i'm so doggone hungry....i'm getting my a spinach and mushroom salad....it's gonna be rather good.....i think....
talk to you all soon....
smooches!!!!!!!
4.06.2009
peeking my head in...updates and such.....
hey everyone.....
i have been majorly MIA i know.....
the last time i wrote a blog it was the day of diagnosis.....and it was the diagnosis that no one wanted to hear....
Momma was diagnosed with breast cancer. We have been moving forward with the doctors making sure that we treat the condition aggressively. I have been standing with her throughout this entire ordeal.....treatments...radiation...surgery....sooooo much....i'm growing and learning and hoping that there will be a day when Aetna health providers are taught how to deal with people that have cancer and other serious conditions.....
I know that there are many things that I can say to everyone regarding whats been happening but honestly I don't really want to.....
Thank you to EVERYONE that has sent me a note or tweeted me regarding my ma....I love yall for it.....
from there.....
i have been so doggone busy with working and helping momma and trying to make connections within my industry.
I had my first photo shoot last weekend....
it was an interesting experience watching myself on camera for over an hour.....
actually it was quite gross....i'm not narcissitic enough to enjoy it....besides my plan is to spend time BEHIND the camera.....not in front of it......
I am currently trying to really break into the industry...make sure that I make a place for brown thick girls!
I'm gonna be back on the prowl with my blogs a little more often now....we have made it out of the woods with mama....
and I'm on the move....
in a few days I'll tell y'all the story about me and the pawwy guy that wouldn't stop touching me....and now he won't stop calling.....
I'm thinking of sending him a text like this.....
Dear Paws:
you kept touching me even when I consistently asked you to stop....you took too many liberties with my person and now I would appreciate if you would simply walk towards Lake Michigan, northern end of course jump in and drown....
Without touching and hands off,
latrice.janine....
hmmm...i'm thinking that's my new text....
maybe i should add that too my voicemail...even though I am already being told that my voicemail is too long...but this should be well worth the trouble
until next time folks....
oh and i'm on twitter in case you didn't come from over there...even though i'm sure that that's why you all are from
twitter.com/1uppitynegress
smooches toodles
and all that!
i have been majorly MIA i know.....
the last time i wrote a blog it was the day of diagnosis.....and it was the diagnosis that no one wanted to hear....
Momma was diagnosed with breast cancer. We have been moving forward with the doctors making sure that we treat the condition aggressively. I have been standing with her throughout this entire ordeal.....treatments...radiation...surgery....sooooo much....i'm growing and learning and hoping that there will be a day when Aetna health providers are taught how to deal with people that have cancer and other serious conditions.....
I know that there are many things that I can say to everyone regarding whats been happening but honestly I don't really want to.....
Thank you to EVERYONE that has sent me a note or tweeted me regarding my ma....I love yall for it.....
from there.....
i have been so doggone busy with working and helping momma and trying to make connections within my industry.
I had my first photo shoot last weekend....
it was an interesting experience watching myself on camera for over an hour.....
actually it was quite gross....i'm not narcissitic enough to enjoy it....besides my plan is to spend time BEHIND the camera.....not in front of it......
I am currently trying to really break into the industry...make sure that I make a place for brown thick girls!
I'm gonna be back on the prowl with my blogs a little more often now....we have made it out of the woods with mama....
and I'm on the move....
in a few days I'll tell y'all the story about me and the pawwy guy that wouldn't stop touching me....and now he won't stop calling.....
I'm thinking of sending him a text like this.....
Dear Paws:
you kept touching me even when I consistently asked you to stop....you took too many liberties with my person and now I would appreciate if you would simply walk towards Lake Michigan, northern end of course jump in and drown....
Without touching and hands off,
latrice.janine....
hmmm...i'm thinking that's my new text....
maybe i should add that too my voicemail...even though I am already being told that my voicemail is too long...but this should be well worth the trouble
until next time folks....
oh and i'm on twitter in case you didn't come from over there...even though i'm sure that that's why you all are from
twitter.com/1uppitynegress
smooches toodles
and all that!
2.13.2009
my momma
My momma is the 7th child in her family. And my grandma always told her that the 7th child is the lucky child, but also the sickly child. And she is. She was born with a heart murmur....a whole in her heart. She has had pneumonia twice. She had to have a hysterectomy two years ago cause she had fibroid tumors causing trouble. She has some kind of gastro intestinal disorder(which is where I get my stomach issues) and the wanted to do an invasive surgery at the beginning of the year but she declined. Three years ago she started having irregular mammograms. They had to do a biopsy. Found out it was benign but they put a chip in her breast to monitor the progression. Fast forward to Christmas Eve last year she had a mammogram. Irregular results. She goes back in for another in January. Irregular. Now she has a biopsy...a VERY invasive biopsy. That's last Tuesday. Yesterday she receives a letter from the radiology department. Her biopsy was irregular. And today...
We're awaiting the results. And to be honest...right now I'm just scared. And I know she is so tired of being sick. She said to me the other day that she just wants to go one year without being sick. Without having some kind of surgery. She said she wishes that she could just be well. It reminds me of Paul in Hebrews when he asked the Lord three times to remove the thorn in his side to remove his affliction. I just want my momma's affliction removed. I just want her made whole. I know in our weakness God is strong. I just want her strong. I don't understand why she has to suffer so much. I don't get it.....every year its something and I just want my momma to see the babies grow up. And I want her to be healthy and whole like my grandma. My grandma made 79 wednesday. She doesn't have the illnesses and sickness like my momma family. I'm scared. I want her to stop being sick. My friends mommas aren't always sick. Why my mama always sick. I'm sorry. This sounds crazy but its my thoughts right now.
Pray for us....
We're awaiting the results. And to be honest...right now I'm just scared. And I know she is so tired of being sick. She said to me the other day that she just wants to go one year without being sick. Without having some kind of surgery. She said she wishes that she could just be well. It reminds me of Paul in Hebrews when he asked the Lord three times to remove the thorn in his side to remove his affliction. I just want my momma's affliction removed. I just want her made whole. I know in our weakness God is strong. I just want her strong. I don't understand why she has to suffer so much. I don't get it.....every year its something and I just want my momma to see the babies grow up. And I want her to be healthy and whole like my grandma. My grandma made 79 wednesday. She doesn't have the illnesses and sickness like my momma family. I'm scared. I want her to stop being sick. My friends mommas aren't always sick. Why my mama always sick. I'm sorry. This sounds crazy but its my thoughts right now.
Pray for us....
2.04.2009
i think i may have an eating disorder...hmmm....
Okay this is a quickie.... As we all know my relationship with food aint the best before I would eat emotionally to satisfy whatever I was feeling at that moment...now I'm having trouble committing to a meal outside of breakfast....which I smash!!!
Last week I could only eat a fourth of my chinese food...I had it for lunch/dinner the next morning for breakfast again for lunch and later on for dinner....it was a friggin lunch combo....
But the problem is at my current gig we don't have time for lunch breaks...my homegirl is a BEAST with them numbers (www.taxesetc.net if you need them taxes prepared!!) But anyway we are often so swamped its hard to take a break...so by the time I get home I am stupid hungry...I'll eat something decide I'm still hungry eat more and end up praying to the porcelain throne...and it happens a few times a week....I'm beginning to wonder if I'm bulemic...I mean the only thing is I don't have to make myself do it...its like my body is rejecting the extras....hmmm this can't be a good thing right?!?
I need feedback cause I don't have insurance so I'll have to go to the board of health for further diagnostics if the jury doesn't help me here...
Dah well sleep is calling and I musnt keep her waiting....
Ciao until later....
Last week I could only eat a fourth of my chinese food...I had it for lunch/dinner the next morning for breakfast again for lunch and later on for dinner....it was a friggin lunch combo....
But the problem is at my current gig we don't have time for lunch breaks...my homegirl is a BEAST with them numbers (www.taxesetc.net if you need them taxes prepared!!) But anyway we are often so swamped its hard to take a break...so by the time I get home I am stupid hungry...I'll eat something decide I'm still hungry eat more and end up praying to the porcelain throne...and it happens a few times a week....I'm beginning to wonder if I'm bulemic...I mean the only thing is I don't have to make myself do it...its like my body is rejecting the extras....hmmm this can't be a good thing right?!?
I need feedback cause I don't have insurance so I'll have to go to the board of health for further diagnostics if the jury doesn't help me here...
Dah well sleep is calling and I musnt keep her waiting....
Ciao until later....
2.02.2009
soooo...you fucking ya cousin now?!?
Peace fam!
How are ya? Well I had such an interesting weekend I felt obligated to tell yall all about it...
Well everyone knows that my primary running buddy is my cousin and homie Drexel Red...no matter where I'm going I feel like him and his band of merry men ought to be along for the ride...I even spent my birthday with them... I know you all are wondering why I'm giving you all so much info...
But anyway my cousin texted me saturday evening asking if I wanted to hang out...well after spending the day with Shirley(my lovely lovely momma) I knew I could use some unwinding at the club and figured spendin the evening at Mixx wouldn't be a bad idea since cousin's friend told me the spot was known for its eye candy...
We get to the club only to find out there were only 7 people there...why you ask cause they were charging 20 bucks a pop...like dude its a recession, that's a pair of jeans...gotta think in those terms these days...anyway we end up at a hipster party down the street where I see mah mini me out and about with her homegirls kickin it...it was surreal at first considering she's a mini version of me and I know she had no business in the club but hell I was in clubs at her age so what can I say?!?
Anyway my cousin is feeling great insistenting on buyin drinks for everyone...including the ragatag hoe du jour that accompanied us this weekend...for purposes of not being the bitch I am I'll call the little hoe Stankee...yeah I did it...
Anyway typical of a silly little slore she drinks up all night as though she doesn't have to drive home...which means...yep you've guessed it the heifer begs mah cousin to drive her and her homegirl home...which I wouldve cared less about except mah house keys were back in mah cousin's car since we rode with his homeboi and had I went with him then I wouldve had to wait uo till my cousin got back from 5000 North for those that aint from chicago that's 50 blocks north of the middle of city and we all live between 93-96 blocks SOUTH of the city...yeah a hellified long way away!
Anyway to avoid inconveniencing J I end up riding north with cousin and Stankee...(I already didn't like her cause the last time we all hung out she spent the entire evening texting abd on the phone even though she was supposed to be out with mah cousin...and she wouldn't even dance with him...why the hell are you at the club if you don't dance?!) So needless to say I don't care for the chick anyway as soon as we ride to the North Pole to drop off her friend this bitch jumps on the phone asking about some dude at some other party...while mah cousin is driving her car.....
W
T
F
?!?
Needless to say Drexel Red is a drunk black man and he promptly asks her why she asking about other ninjahs when he right there...this broad gets an attitude talking about staying in ya place...well long story short they go back and forth and I'm thinking this fool gonna smash up Stankee's car and I didn't feel like being bothered with the dumb shit so I grabbed his shoulder like let this shit go homie....then Stankee puts her hand on him... Not a good look homie....he tells her ass get ya fucking hands off me and she finally does and gives me the look of death...throughout the rest of the ride I'm done with the hoe...talking to mah cousin and riding along with the whore giving me sideways glances...
We get to the car I get in mah cousin's car ans chill while they talked it out...
When he gets back to the car and he's talking about their convo...and he says to me that Stankee has decided that we are fucking...after telling her she's insane she says if yall aint fucking then she wanna fuck you...ha ha ha then she says well if you gonna be with me...then...
The bitch needs to be put in her place...
Right....bitch needs to be put in her place?!?
Needless to say I'm still waiting to figure out what bitch needs to be put where...
Alright I gotta go...Gossip Girl is coming on and I have to be ready for that...
I'll be back thursday to let yall know how the pics from today's photo shoot went....
Told yall I'm a model now yall...ha ha ha ha!!!
How are ya? Well I had such an interesting weekend I felt obligated to tell yall all about it...
Well everyone knows that my primary running buddy is my cousin and homie Drexel Red...no matter where I'm going I feel like him and his band of merry men ought to be along for the ride...I even spent my birthday with them... I know you all are wondering why I'm giving you all so much info...
But anyway my cousin texted me saturday evening asking if I wanted to hang out...well after spending the day with Shirley(my lovely lovely momma) I knew I could use some unwinding at the club and figured spendin the evening at Mixx wouldn't be a bad idea since cousin's friend told me the spot was known for its eye candy...
We get to the club only to find out there were only 7 people there...why you ask cause they were charging 20 bucks a pop...like dude its a recession, that's a pair of jeans...gotta think in those terms these days...anyway we end up at a hipster party down the street where I see mah mini me out and about with her homegirls kickin it...it was surreal at first considering she's a mini version of me and I know she had no business in the club but hell I was in clubs at her age so what can I say?!?
Anyway my cousin is feeling great insistenting on buyin drinks for everyone...including the ragatag hoe du jour that accompanied us this weekend...for purposes of not being the bitch I am I'll call the little hoe Stankee...yeah I did it...
Anyway typical of a silly little slore she drinks up all night as though she doesn't have to drive home...which means...yep you've guessed it the heifer begs mah cousin to drive her and her homegirl home...which I wouldve cared less about except mah house keys were back in mah cousin's car since we rode with his homeboi and had I went with him then I wouldve had to wait uo till my cousin got back from 5000 North for those that aint from chicago that's 50 blocks north of the middle of city and we all live between 93-96 blocks SOUTH of the city...yeah a hellified long way away!
Anyway to avoid inconveniencing J I end up riding north with cousin and Stankee...(I already didn't like her cause the last time we all hung out she spent the entire evening texting abd on the phone even though she was supposed to be out with mah cousin...and she wouldn't even dance with him...why the hell are you at the club if you don't dance?!) So needless to say I don't care for the chick anyway as soon as we ride to the North Pole to drop off her friend this bitch jumps on the phone asking about some dude at some other party...while mah cousin is driving her car.....
W
T
F
?!?
Needless to say Drexel Red is a drunk black man and he promptly asks her why she asking about other ninjahs when he right there...this broad gets an attitude talking about staying in ya place...well long story short they go back and forth and I'm thinking this fool gonna smash up Stankee's car and I didn't feel like being bothered with the dumb shit so I grabbed his shoulder like let this shit go homie....then Stankee puts her hand on him... Not a good look homie....he tells her ass get ya fucking hands off me and she finally does and gives me the look of death...throughout the rest of the ride I'm done with the hoe...talking to mah cousin and riding along with the whore giving me sideways glances...
We get to the car I get in mah cousin's car ans chill while they talked it out...
When he gets back to the car and he's talking about their convo...and he says to me that Stankee has decided that we are fucking...after telling her she's insane she says if yall aint fucking then she wanna fuck you...ha ha ha then she says well if you gonna be with me...then...
The bitch needs to be put in her place...
Right....bitch needs to be put in her place?!?
Needless to say I'm still waiting to figure out what bitch needs to be put where...
Alright I gotta go...Gossip Girl is coming on and I have to be ready for that...
I'll be back thursday to let yall know how the pics from today's photo shoot went....
Told yall I'm a model now yall...ha ha ha ha!!!
1.16.2009
thinking and updating mah life as it is.....
Greetings follow bloggers and such!
I have been sooooo busy since the year has began and it's not such a bad thing! as you all may know i have finally quit the assignment from hell and moved along to the full time tax assisting job that people generally think that would be from hell but i must say...i don't mind it....
i mean some of the people are a little rude but ma mama been telling me for years that i ought to kill people with kindness and i must say that upon arrival in the office i am so damn professional them folks can't say a word....and for that i say hell yeah!
on to the other saga....we all know that the young'un and i are no longer dealing with one another...to that end i decided that it was truly not worth the trouble of even keeping the door ajar let alone open....which was a great thing...however in an attempt to continue being....you know...niiiice.....i continued iming with him...when this past tuesday he clicks in and asks me how i'm doing and such....i am of course working so i say fine working.....then:
young'un: i am sooooo tired
me: oh...well why are you so tired homie?
young'un: well i was cleaning up
me: okay....so why are you cleaning yet again?
young'un:(complete silence....or in this case nothing typed...)
me: helllo?!? what's her name? it must be ya new girl....
young'un: well maybe i shouldn't tell you this...
me: whatever...i think i'm a big enough girl to take it...
young'un: well your feelings maybe hurt....
me: derr...what!?!?
young'un: it's my new girlfriend...and i don't want to hurt you with us being friends and all now....
Is this ninja insane?!?!
the hell?
i mean for real y'all what the hell is wrong with this ninja?
i told him i was done and i'm upset that you are 700 miles away effing with a virgin....oh yeah...forgot that part right?!?!? ha ha ha!
yeah....
i'm tripping....maybe it's me....maybe i'm crazy but i knew that he wasn't waiting around in the dirty south waiting on me...
is it possible that this negro THOUGHT i was waiting around for him? please beg the hell out of my pardon....
dah well...it's prolly mah fault for being accesible and polite right?
whatever....
soon as we get over this ridiculous cold front that's happening here in the land of freeze.....
i'm getting back on my routine and and getting that body super right baby!!!
now let's figure out the hairstyle that we will go with for the year....
Super Short
short yet coily
you remember this? it was the latest
then there's alway the nice long bob...
and we all know Nia kilt(yes Kilt) it with this simple bangs in front joint
and then i also kind of like that curly joint....which on a bored day can be straightened.....
soon as i decide the springtime hairstyle...i'll be sure to let EVERYONE know....
love yall...
smooches boos!!!
have a wonderful weekend!!
i'm bundling up and enjoying cocoa all weekend mahself....
I have been sooooo busy since the year has began and it's not such a bad thing! as you all may know i have finally quit the assignment from hell and moved along to the full time tax assisting job that people generally think that would be from hell but i must say...i don't mind it....
i mean some of the people are a little rude but ma mama been telling me for years that i ought to kill people with kindness and i must say that upon arrival in the office i am so damn professional them folks can't say a word....and for that i say hell yeah!
on to the other saga....we all know that the young'un and i are no longer dealing with one another...to that end i decided that it was truly not worth the trouble of even keeping the door ajar let alone open....which was a great thing...however in an attempt to continue being....you know...niiiice.....i continued iming with him...when this past tuesday he clicks in and asks me how i'm doing and such....i am of course working so i say fine working.....then:
young'un: i am sooooo tired
me: oh...well why are you so tired homie?
young'un: well i was cleaning up
me: okay....so why are you cleaning yet again?
young'un:(complete silence....or in this case nothing typed...)
me: helllo?!? what's her name? it must be ya new girl....
young'un: well maybe i shouldn't tell you this...
me: whatever...i think i'm a big enough girl to take it...
young'un: well your feelings maybe hurt....
me: derr...what!?!?
young'un: it's my new girlfriend...and i don't want to hurt you with us being friends and all now....
Is this ninja insane?!?!
the hell?
i mean for real y'all what the hell is wrong with this ninja?
i told him i was done and i'm upset that you are 700 miles away effing with a virgin....oh yeah...forgot that part right?!?!? ha ha ha!
yeah....
i'm tripping....maybe it's me....maybe i'm crazy but i knew that he wasn't waiting around in the dirty south waiting on me...
is it possible that this negro THOUGHT i was waiting around for him? please beg the hell out of my pardon....
dah well...it's prolly mah fault for being accesible and polite right?
whatever....
soon as we get over this ridiculous cold front that's happening here in the land of freeze.....
i'm getting back on my routine and and getting that body super right baby!!!
now let's figure out the hairstyle that we will go with for the year....
Super Short
short yet coily
you remember this? it was the latest
then there's alway the nice long bob...
and we all know Nia kilt(yes Kilt) it with this simple bangs in front joint
and then i also kind of like that curly joint....which on a bored day can be straightened.....
soon as i decide the springtime hairstyle...i'll be sure to let EVERYONE know....
love yall...
smooches boos!!!
have a wonderful weekend!!
i'm bundling up and enjoying cocoa all weekend mahself....
1.02.2009
the plot thins...then thickens again....hmmm....
well....Suga you said had it been you your eyebrow would've been raised....honey let me tell you....my eyebrow almost jumped off my face this past week....
let's just say me and the young'un were officially done...i was through...
if anyone is my facebook/myspace homie you would've peeped the status i had for about 4 days....
"officially over you...."
yep....i had enough and i had to take a stand cause that ex girlfriend was really getting out of control....she was able to find out who i am and began to reall wreack havoc on the possible developing relationship between and the young'un....and let me tell ya folks....i don't mess around with crazy exes....especially considering the me and the young'un were only a maybe....
I told him that until he was able to really really let go of that entire situation....i couldn't do it.....
(yes i am giving him his credit in the situation....folks ain't gonna REALLY keep acting crazy if you aren't fueling their foolishness in SOME way....I mean....really.....)
of course once i gave him my two finger salute(Yes Diana....I actually talked to him about it....even though we both know I was determined to not talk to him again....EVER...EVER!!! LOL!) I began to feel like maybe i was being a little mean I mean after all he is a young'un and he doesn't really know as much about women as he is convinced that he does....
so i broke down and sent him a text asking if he wanted to hang out yesterday(New Year's Day) since he was in town for a minute....why why why why did i think this was a good idea people?!?!
I mean I can't even blame this on being drunk and texting i was completely sober and aware of what I was doing....trying to maintain our friendship....because we still have to interact with one another on a semi-professional level and i wanted to make sure that there would be no ill will.....
We got together yesterday afternoon and hung out....it was a great time except for the fact that I had some Maui Maui that apparently set out too long on NYE....compounded with the drunken debauchery surrounding NYE i was out the game ALL day yesterday....I mean if i didn't know any better I would been running to Walgreens or CVS trying to find out when the little socialite was coming....ya digg?!? however because of my current lifestyle that was out of the question...but I was so ill yesterday I couldn't even stand the motion that it would have taken for me to get home....so we walked around downtown...with him rubbing my stomach and doing everything but holding my hair as i prayed to the porcelain throne(not very uppity...but it's life...) it was hilarious...the congratulatory looks we kept getting everytime i came crawling out the ladies room were a bit much for my soul...but he thought it was funny.....
before we parted ways for the evening we hugged and talked and then we kissed...very nice....very nice....but very not something you are supposed to do with a guy that you have decided to just be friends with....not unless you are friends with benefits maybe...and we are not....
so needless to say that he wanted to come by to check on me once again after i went home....however because of the vast amounts of electrolytes lost yesterday I had to pass on the visitation last evening....
but we are supposed to go out for lunch today....
and i am thinking that maybe i shouldn't....i mean....maybe we should just stick to saying what's up in passing....but.....i'm not sure i wanna.....
dah well.....
lunch is in a couple of hours....maybe i just won't turn my phone back on....
let's just say me and the young'un were officially done...i was through...
if anyone is my facebook/myspace homie you would've peeped the status i had for about 4 days....
"officially over you...."
yep....i had enough and i had to take a stand cause that ex girlfriend was really getting out of control....she was able to find out who i am and began to reall wreack havoc on the possible developing relationship between and the young'un....and let me tell ya folks....i don't mess around with crazy exes....especially considering the me and the young'un were only a maybe....
I told him that until he was able to really really let go of that entire situation....i couldn't do it.....
(yes i am giving him his credit in the situation....folks ain't gonna REALLY keep acting crazy if you aren't fueling their foolishness in SOME way....I mean....really.....)
of course once i gave him my two finger salute(Yes Diana....I actually talked to him about it....even though we both know I was determined to not talk to him again....EVER...EVER!!! LOL!) I began to feel like maybe i was being a little mean I mean after all he is a young'un and he doesn't really know as much about women as he is convinced that he does....
so i broke down and sent him a text asking if he wanted to hang out yesterday(New Year's Day) since he was in town for a minute....why why why why did i think this was a good idea people?!?!
I mean I can't even blame this on being drunk and texting i was completely sober and aware of what I was doing....trying to maintain our friendship....because we still have to interact with one another on a semi-professional level and i wanted to make sure that there would be no ill will.....
We got together yesterday afternoon and hung out....it was a great time except for the fact that I had some Maui Maui that apparently set out too long on NYE....compounded with the drunken debauchery surrounding NYE i was out the game ALL day yesterday....I mean if i didn't know any better I would been running to Walgreens or CVS trying to find out when the little socialite was coming....ya digg?!? however because of my current lifestyle that was out of the question...but I was so ill yesterday I couldn't even stand the motion that it would have taken for me to get home....so we walked around downtown...with him rubbing my stomach and doing everything but holding my hair as i prayed to the porcelain throne(not very uppity...but it's life...) it was hilarious...the congratulatory looks we kept getting everytime i came crawling out the ladies room were a bit much for my soul...but he thought it was funny.....
before we parted ways for the evening we hugged and talked and then we kissed...very nice....very nice....but very not something you are supposed to do with a guy that you have decided to just be friends with....not unless you are friends with benefits maybe...and we are not....
so needless to say that he wanted to come by to check on me once again after i went home....however because of the vast amounts of electrolytes lost yesterday I had to pass on the visitation last evening....
but we are supposed to go out for lunch today....
and i am thinking that maybe i shouldn't....i mean....maybe we should just stick to saying what's up in passing....but.....i'm not sure i wanna.....
dah well.....
lunch is in a couple of hours....maybe i just won't turn my phone back on....
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