You are sooo.....

Beautiful...pretty...gorgeous....etc...etc...etc...
These are words that people use to describe me. Daily.
It isn't unusual for a stranger to walk up to me and tell me how pretty or beautiful I am. I hear about the unusual shape of my eyes my high cheekbones the structure of my face everything. I hear it. I'm often complimented on my sense of style. Being told "everyone can't wear that" or "you have a style that's able to make that fly"

This is normal for me. I am not going to fake & pretend that its not normal for me. I am not saying that I'm immune to this, but I do know that I am clearly an attractive person. But. That's as far as it goes for me.

However Saturday night. I was told all about myself. By two strangers. People I have never met or seen before.

After getting my party started at my grammar school reuninon, my cousin & I headed to Beauty Bar up on the northside. We were nice & gone. The pre-drinking was very effective to the point where I knew I couldn't put my heels on and walk across the street, let alone walk in the club & dance.
We walked across the street & came smack dab in front of two of the CUTEST little geigh bois I've ever seen! Lawd they were so cute! And fly lawd they were fly.
They stopped me to tell me how much they loved my jumper. While talking to them I dropped my purse. And because it was my purse I immediately stooped down and grabbed my bag up. Lawd why did I do that?!?

They.
Went.
In.
"You are beautiful!" "We are men and we are supposed to get that!" "Don't you ever do that again." Etc. Etc. Etc.

From there they went on a diatribe about how beautiful I am how I deserve to know how beautiful I am that I shouldn't underestimate my beauty and everything else.
I was amazed and taken aback because a simple act of me dropping & picking up my purse has led them to me and telling me this about myself.

I wished that they were wrong. I went inside the club danced moved and enjoyed the time, but in the back of my mind I continued to hear those two bois telling me all about myself. Reading me.

And I wondered.


Do I disown my beauty?

Do I not understand my beauty?

Have I become immune to the idea that I may actually be beautiful?

I often wonder if I was smaller if there was less of me would I be more receptive to the idea of my beauty?
Like I said before I am told daily that I am beautiful yet it never changes how I respond. I am still amazed. And surprised when people tell me how beautiful I am.

Maybe one day I'll learn to embrace my beauty and walk in this beauty.

Or maybe because of my mental make up I'll never become immune to the shock of knowing or hearing that many people think that I am beautiful....